In the spring we started a treasure box project. Maybe So-and-So would like to come to lunch with you because he’s sad that he bullied and if he wants we can come with him because we’re still his friends, he just made a mistake and we can help him if he wants.”Įven when I got a note specifically asking for help, about 75% of the time when I arrived to pick a girl or girls up from their classroom they would tell me that they had already talked the problem out.Īh the life of a school counselor: becoming redundant = job success! “So-and-So was teasing someone about not being good at inline skating but we told him to stop because people might think he was a bully and we helped her practice skating without holding onto anything. “We had a conflict and were going to write you a note, but we solved it.” Oftentimes I would get notes that said things like: What they accomplished in the group showed up outside of the group. I was a touchstone, a finder of supplies, an occasional shhh-er who reminded them that kids were working in the room next door. But a lot of amazing work got done, and most of it was done by them. Someone peering through the window in my door might have thought everyone was just having a good time. There were times when some girls were “taking breaks” from each other, but they still chose to come to group and other girls quietly helped them to maintain physical space, and sometimes even to laugh at the same silliness. They had learned that they needed everyone to feel okay in order for the group to be okay. Some days, of course, we had tears, as we worked through an issue, but they were mostly able to comfort each other and resist taking sides.
It was delightful! All the time they were talking, talking, talking with each other (within and between the smaller groups), complimenting each other, inviting others to join in, asking each other for advice, laughing. Really, how amazing is that?!!! They LOVED it, mostly because it gave them ideas about what they wanted to use next - Feathers! Jewels! Glittery fabric! I loved it because it meant I didn’t have to clean it out myself! On those days I mostly just sat back and observed unless they specifically asked for my input. Sometimes they broke into smaller groups - playing with my dollhouse and treehouse, decorating my whiteboards, cleaning out my craft cabinet. They worked on creating new bulletin boards or posters about ways to stop bullying or keep your brain healthy. Other times we would talk further about topics we had been covering in class councils. Sometimes I would read a book and we would discuss it. Our group activities varied from week to week, but were usually based on a concern or interest expressed by the girls, or on some issue that the teachers or I had noticed. I typed up their wishes in a large font, made them some templates, got out the glitter glue, and the following week they made posters for each classroom and my room featuring all the wishes.
#TREASURED FRIENDS PLUS#
I asked every girl, plus the fifth grade classroom, special ed, and Title I teachers (all women) to attend our first meeting, which was held during lunch. I offered the group once a week at recess. The one who was initially most hesitant to attend (she has some social anxiety issues) became the town crier who reminded everyone that it was girls’ group day. It was so successful that the need for topic-specific groups never arose! Almost all the girls attended every week, and the others came most of the time. The girls loved having their “day” and the group ended up running all year. Nevertheless, we had some friendship issues to work on, so instead of planning specific groups for them at the beginning of the year, I decided to try a drop-in group for the first six weeks. The girls were good at handling conflicts and even emerging bullying situations, and we didn’t have too many times when someone felt excluded.
They all participated in groups each year they have been here.
Because their numbers were so small, we have been able to work on issues as they arise and do a lot of practicing of the skills we have learned about in class councils. In fifth grade last year we had only 13 girls, which presented some challenges, but also provided a great opportunity to do a lot of group work. In some grades boys account for more than two thirds of the population. No one is really sure what’s going on around here - is it the water? - but our school is becoming Boyland.
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